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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Dragons: The Gay Party Animals of the Magical Kingdom

So I was talking with my girlfriend on the phone, and she really doesn't like the idea of dragons being shot with machine guns.  It's because dragons are very cute, and they're cuddly, and they happen to be gay...

That's why they kidnap princesses - it's so they can lure in unsuspecting knights to be their new lovers.  Or so my girlfriend says.  I tried explaining that the dragons kidnap virgins and eat them, but she doesn't believe me.  I think she pictures dragons as they harmless little adorable things.  And maybe she's right.  Maybe all those baby dragons are cute and cuddly and adorable.  Until they belch fire, I mean.  And can you imagine the flatulence from a baby dragon?  By diaper change, we mean it's time to call the fire department.

But let's consider this: maybe dragons are gay.  Maybe they kidnap princesses so they can swap beauty tips by candlelight in their caverns full of jewels.  (It would explain why dragons are so obsessed with gold and jewels, and why they aren't above wearing rhinestones.)  Heck, maybe the princesses want to be kidnapped.  It would be kind of thrilling, you know?  Get picked up by a dragon, flown to some exotic faraway place, and then - best of all - a girl gets to find out which of her esteemed suitors actually cares enough about her to challenge a dragon to single combat.  And never mind the presents - seriously, a dragon isn't going to just kidnap a princess and then let her return home without a going-away present.  That would be just rude.  And besides, that tiara is so lovely with those frizzy curls...it's enough to make a dragon want to paint his toes in six shades of lavender...

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