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Sunday, December 5, 2010

Chapter 16 - Another Prisoner

What do you mean Jonathan's not locked up in solitary confinement?  So the idiot's too stupid to have figured out an escape plan, and then he's too boring to have gotten himself properly locked up?  What the hell kind of story is this?  One of those "good guy gets unfairly imprisoned, the court reconvenes, and then everyone goes home happily ever after"?  I mean, shit, he's not even trying to save the girl or his army buddies.  I mean, if I was the author, I'd have this protagonist shot.  And I don't mean in the leg.

Chapter 15 - To the Dungeon

What?  You thought we'd get through this whole story without putting Jonathan in a dungeon?  Hah - likely story.  Seriously - have you ever read a story about dragons that didn't have a dungeon in it somewhere?  Preferably one with rats and cobwebs and other nasty critters?

Let's see if our dungeon measures up to the horrors of the Dark-Because-a-Dragon-Burned-Out-Your Eyeballs Ages...

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Chapter 14 - The Duchess of Evil Arrives

Well, if you can't root for the good guys because they're a bunch of loser pogues, then at least we have some evil dominatrix chick...let's just hope she's evil enough to keep the plot going...

Chapter 13 - Gremlins

What the hell, dude?  You had a freakin' machine gun!!  You were supposed to kick some butt, man - not get your ass handed to you!(!!)

Chapter 12 - The Fairy Godmother

It's about freakin' time you used that machine gun...jeez, took you long enough...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Chapter 11 - Morning Walk

What - you thought this was a chapter about bankruptcy?  More like a chapter about the lingering pain of slowly dying.  I mean walking.  Because I hate walking.  Really, really hate it.  That's why I sit around all day typing stories about people who will be eaten alive if they stop long enough to sit.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Chapter 10 - Don't Sit on the Ground!!

When the woman sitting on the dragon carcass tells you to stay off the ground, she means for you to stay off the freakin' ground!!

Chapter 9 - Lost in a Strange Land

Jonathan seems to be slowly coming to understand just how lost he is.  I would say how lost "they" are, but the Iraqi girl doesn't seem too perturbed.  She actually seems to know what's going.  It's too bad Jonathan doesn't know how to listen.

Chapter 8 - Ding, Dong, the Dragon's Dead!

Hey, look - there's a dead dragon strewn across the woods.   That's pretty disgusting.  Not to mention the smell.  Oh, yeah...these things really are the size of an airliner, in case you were wondering.

Chapter 7 - Not in Iraq Anymore

Okay...here's a hint...if there's lots of water, lots of trees, and acres of grass...then it's probably not Iraq.  Yes, I know, hard to believe, Jonathan, but you're somewhere else.  So stop pretending you haven't figured this out...

Chapter 6 - To the Dragon

What the hell is she doing???  Get back in the cellar you crazy Iraqi woman!!!

Chapter 5 - Running From the Dragon

Run away!   Run AWAY!!!

Chapter 4 - Wrath of the Dragon

Don't mess with large fire-breathing lizards that can fly.  It's really just not a good idea.  I mean, even if you are heavily armed.  And American.  Seriously.  There's no way you'll be able to call in enough air support to take on an airborne lizard that spits radioactive napalm.  But you're Americans - you'll probably give it your best shot anyway...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Chapter 4 - Entree le Dragon

Entree le Dragon.  It's French.  Maybe it means the dragon has entered the room.  Or maybe it means that you are now the piece d'resistance of some lizard's Happy Serpent Meal from McDonald's.  I don't know for sure which - I don't really know any French.

I do, however, know that we have a dragon in this chapter...and he's more mad than hungry...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Chapter 3 - Scene on the Ground

Yes, a bit delayed, and possibly far more detailed than expected, but here's Chapter 3.

So do our characters become heroic?  Have the evildoers shown up on the scene yet?  Eh, I'm not so sure...but hey, it's NaNoWriMo - the fun's just beginning.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Chapter 2 - Rolling into Town

Here it is, Chapter 2.   The boredom of memory, the excitement of - WTF??  (Let's just say the survey gave a tie vote...there was the option for the dragon swooping down and eating people, and then the option for an earlier convoy having already been eaten...)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Chapter 1: Down a Desert Road

Here it is, Day 1.  We have humvees, we have machine guns, and we have setting.  Is Jonathan tough enough here?  Or is he a total wimp?  Will he become the hero of the story, or should he be a quick round of hors d'hourves?  Read on and decide!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Enter the Dragon of Terror!!

Finally, we have a dragon (the black-winged little demon you'll see to your left...nasty little bugger, isn't he?)

I asked my friends Laura and Israel if they could send me a dragon for the website.  Israel's a painter, and his paintings have some amazing energy - I hoped he might draw something that would devour my readers.  I added a bit of color, but the pencil drawing by itself is terrifying.  Click onward to see the original.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Poll Results: Less Vodoo, More Combat

Okay: the story will be in a parallel universe, "magic" is nothing more than a scientific result of natural laws or artificial technologies, and religious fundamentalists are somewhat more evil than corporate capitalist.  Both of which are more evil than gremlins.  I mean, I've suspected this for years, but I'm glad to now have some statistics to back this up.

Based on the comments, it looks like our lovely characters are not only traveling to a new dimension, but they're also walking into the middle of a war.  We don't know what the war's about just yet, but that's okay.  It's not like it really matters.  As long as there's enough violence for movie rights, it's all good.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Educational Video: The Dangers of NaNoWriMo

Have you ever wondered what it takes to write 50,000 words in a month?  Wonder no more.  Our educational video will provide a true-to-life example of the kind of determination and willpower necessary to succeed as a NaNo Writer.

Dragons: The Gay Party Animals of the Magical Kingdom

So I was talking with my girlfriend on the phone, and she really doesn't like the idea of dragons being shot with machine guns.  It's because dragons are very cute, and they're cuddly, and they happen to be gay...

Magic and Time Travel - Rules of the World

What kind of place is this?  Dragons infest the sky, vampires rule the night, and these creepy wizard dudes are walking around shooting crackles of lightning bolts from their hands...I mean, I know we're not in Kansas, but Iraq shouldn't be this bad!

This Blasted Kingdom Needs a Name!!

Terror and Political Oppression just don't work well in unnamed kingdoms far, far away.  So what should we call this place?  The Land of the Dragon's Left Femur?  The Kingdom of the Sky?  Or maybe the Empire of the Toad's Wart?

Dragons. Versus a Machine Gun. Are You Serious?

Dragons.  They're large, hungry, and covered in scales.  And - oh yes - they breathe fire.  Or poison gas.  Or sometimes even the lovely scent of artificial roses.  It all depends on which breed you run up against.  And did I mention that they're hungry?  As in all the time?  And that wouldn't be so bad, assuming dragons were the kind of small, winged reptiles from which they evolved millions of years ago.  But they aren't.  They're actually closer in size to a C-130 cargo plane.  You know, the kind of plane that's big enough to carry sixty-four paratroopers into combat.  Or a couple humvees.  And that's about how much they eat every couple days.  Assuming they've finished all their growth spurts and reached maximum size - which usually takes a couple hundred years.

Jill Nakamoto - Badass Assassin Chick from the Future

Jill Nakamoto is a hard-core killer.  Her flesh is a bullet-proof composite of carbon nanotubes and Kevlar.  Her muscles have been augmented with tita-thread drive wires.  Her bones have been individually drilled out and reinforced with high-density carbon fiber. 

Suha: Can the Iraqi Girl Get a Last Name?

This is Suha.  She's average height, average build, and - so far as we know - she only speaks Arabic.  She seems cute, but boy can she be stubborn.  Does she ever mention her last name?  Jonathan doesn't know - the army may have taught him Arabic, but that doesn't mean he was ever that good. 

Jonathan Mitchell - The Low Runt on the Totem Pole

He's the hero of our story.  He's tired, thirsty, and covered in dust from spending the past six hours of his life riding in a humvee across the dusty parts of Iraq.  Oh, yeah, and because he's the "new guy," he gets to carry an M-249 - the machine gun.  Twenty-four pounds, eight hundred rounds-per-minute, and it's a real beast to carry around when you've already got forty pounds of ammo, armor, and water to lug on your back.

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